Dear Dr. Love: We are a married couple, late 20’s, whose sex lives are dwindling to nothing. We used to go at it like rabbits a few years ago, and now we are lucky if we work up the passion once every couple of weeks. I love my husband to death, but I don’t see this working in the long term. We have talked about it, of course, and we both agree that something needs to be done. We just are not sure what. Any ideas?

Feeling like a Desperate Housewife in New Orleans

Dear Desperate: I have a zillion ideas, none of which may be applicable to your marriage. Your lament, however, is as old as the hills. I could suggest a plethora of fantasies, role-playing exercises and the like. Yet none of them necessarily would serve as a triggering mechanism for you and your husband. Sex is a funny business. What I would say is both of you are ready to explore. You have completed the vanilla phase of the relationship, and now you either need new partners or new shared experiences. Whatever it might be, it starts with open dialogue, even if both of you have to drag it out of each other. Think of it this way: If Teri Hatcher dropped into your living room and made a move on your husband, he probably would spring to attention in a second. Okay, that is not going to happen.

But that would be a good place to begin the conversation. Start with an absurd fantasy and evolve to more obtainable ones. You have no idea what is lurking inside your husband’s head. Whatever it is, it is worth discovering sooner rather than later, even if it is something you find abhorrent. You just know you can’t stay on the present path. That path leads to failure. Now you and your husband may be doomed to fail as it is. But why waste anymore time than necessary on failure? Men sometimes are simple souls. A good blow job can change their sexual dynamic in an instant. You become his hopeless cock-sucker, and the next thing you know, he is ready to make you his personal slut, and the fireworks are blasting above your home.

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