Dear Dr. Love: I see a dominatrix about once a week, and sometimes the sessions become very intense. I draw the line at breath play, which, of course, is putting a strain on the relationship. I don’t pay for this service. If I were paying for it, obviously, I would have more control over the situation. The dominatrix likes to remind me of that fact on occasion. Should I just go for it or what?

Sissy in Memphis

Dear Sissy: Breath play in the S&M world is not for the faint of heart or the novice, that is for sure. It takes considerable experience and trust on the part of both parties. If you have zero interest in breath play, I say look elsewhere, even if it means spending a few dollars. Otherwise, there will be a tipping point between you and your dominatrix, rest assured. She will find others to indulge this whim of hers, if she hasn’t already.

You make no mention of your progression in the dom/sub practice. If your desire to be a sub has intensified over the years — and that is usually how it works — then take baby steps with breath play. You may grow to like it, as you no doubt have grown to like other aspects of the S&M world. I suspect you have incorporated certain S&M activities into your play that you did not originally do. Breath play could be one of those things. Or not.

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